Difficult conversations are unfortunately a necessary part of our lives.
There are many situations in which we might have to have a difficult conversation with someone else. It could be in our family, in a relationship, at work, with our neighbours, or with a complete stranger.
Regardless of who it is and what the context is, it is always tough. And don’t think you are alone in this, because the majority of people find having tough conversations something uncomfortable and stressful, and they would usually rather avoid them.
However, there are always ways that we can make difficult things more manageable and hard conversations are no exception.
Keep reading for some top tips on how to manage tricky conversations with a little more grace and calmness.
Start with positives
If we launch straight into the negative things we need to talk about with someone else, it can turn the conversation hostile very quickly. People get defensive when it comes to hearing lots of faults in themselves and their actions and so starting in an intense way is not productive. If you want to have a real conversation with someone that leads to outcomes, having them shut down early on will never help.
It’s always good practice to start off a tough conversation with some positives. This will help you ease into more difficult topics and it will signal to the other person that you aren’t trying to attack them personally, you simply want to discuss the topic at hand and find a solution.
Keep your body language open and relaxed
If the person we are talking to feels threatened and/or attacked, we can’t have a productive or efficient conversation with them. One of the best things that we can do during a tricky conversation is keeping our body language nice and open. This means uncrossing our arms and lengths, opening our chest, and not engaging in any finger-pointing or leaning forward.
Communication is so much more than just the words we say and there are lots of ways that we can let our conversation partner know that we aren’t trying to attack or hurt them. Once someone feels attacked, productive conversation usually goes out the window.
Even if you do feel annoyed or tense in yourself, try and not to let this bubble up to the surface and allow your body language to be affected. Take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax, or take a break from the conversation altogether if you feel that you need to.
Take a breath before responding to anything
Speaking of deep breaths, try and use your breathing to generally stop conversations getting too heated and letting anyone say anything they don’t mean.
Whenever you need to respond to someone after their turn in the conversation, take a deep breath before you respond. Try to do this subtly so it doesn’t seem passive-aggressive like you are sighing in frustration.
When you feel calm, you can respond from a more open and vulnerable space.
And this space is where all good progress takes place, and that is exactly what we want.
